World Cup 2007 Celebrations

The RWC is now imminent, it is there for important to prepare now rather than a day before the event. I thought it wise to set out a preparation guide and some rules to follow during this epic event.

Preparation guide

Tell your wife/partner/girlfriend now that you will not be able to support them with any household tasks, budgetary requirements, shopping sprees or any emotional support for the next seven weeks.

Instruct her/him to remove any breakable items within reach of your favourite armchair.

Ensure all pets are moved to a safe haven for the near future.

Ensure your subscription is paid up as you do not need any service provision during this time.

Tell your kids if they wanted to go for a sleep over, now is the time, give them some pocket money and tell them you expect them back when the RWC is over, and not before.

Ascertain which of your rugby buddies will be emotional wrecks during this time, and tell them you are going away.

Inform your doctor now of the impending change of season cold you will develop as there might be a rush from several likeminded people to get sick notes.

Ensure you have stocked up on all beverages and snacks required for the period. Treat it as you would a nuclear holocaust, so bunker in.

Ensure the remote control has new batteries, as you will be going back and forth playing actions in slow motion, and you do not want to be caught midway through a game with flat batteries.

Make sure your TV set is in good working condition.

Keep a back up generator for those unplanned power outages.

Do not invite any friends over WITH their wives and children, as they might get hungry and force you to braai whilst the match is on

Rules during the tournament

If you want to experience the Haka more vividly, then get some war paint, put it on with some tribal motives, and do it in front of the mirror.

Do not listen to your own commentators, they will only give you a false impression of how good or poor your team really is.

Do not cry when listening to your national anthem, real rugby men don’t cry.

Do not look away when your wife calls, you may miss something.

Your wife/spouse/partner is there to bring you beverages and snacks, not to ask questions. If they want to know how it is going they should look at the score reflected in THE TOP LEFT HAND CORNER or the TV screen.

Tape the game, do not make notes for comment during the game, that is just poor judgement.

If your team is leading at half time, do not run to your laptop or computer, you will be stiff from sitting so first do a few warm-ups and stretches, you do not want to pull a hamstring and go to see the doctor.

Use a straw when drinking your beverage, it is difficult to watch the TV when the container nears empty and you have to throw your head back when drinking, you might miss something.

Ensure that you have heeded natures call before the game start, it is basically the same routine you will follow before taking a long trip.

If the phone rings, ignore it, after all that’s why your spouse/partner/girlfriend is there.

Commenting after the game

If your team has lost, take a break, go lie down for a while, check your pulse, if back to norm, start commenting.

If your team has won, be gracious, be respectful, be nice, there are people hurting out there, AND IT IS YOUR TEAM’s FAULT.

Remember you can think what you want, but its not necessary to tell all.

To be diplomatic about the opposition team, start your sentence with:

With all due respect……..

They put up a brave performance, but ultimately………………

Stay away from using words like, pathetic, useless, weak etc. When describing another team/players.

Remember there is no wrong answer, just stupid statements.

Remember to attack the argument not the poster. Don’t say you are an idiot, rather say your comment borders on ignorance. It means the same thing, only the Moderators can’t touch you if you use the latter statement.

Most important rule

Don’t say “we will beat the springboks”, it is wrong and provocative, rather say, “I hope we can be competitive and sneak a win” it is diplomatic, I will remain calm and be diplomatic back.

If you prefer to use the former statement i will respond with “ yeah, in your dreams mate” if you use the latter I will respond with “ yeah, in your dreams mate.”

So good luck to all in your preparations, don’t say I didn’t give you fair warning.