Ok, so on request of grootblousmile here is a thread where we ask you to submit your funniest jokes as a part of Rugby-Talk’s 1st B-Day.
Any jokes will do, as long as you adhere to all the blog rules…
Those of you with no sense of humour, you are allowed to at least shout VRYSTAAAAAAAAAAT !!!!!!!
Those of you who dont have original jokes and want to steal someone else’s line shout SHAAAAAAARKS !!!!!!!
You can even make jokes that are completely unrealistic… let me give an example by using a couple of one liners…
” I’m sure WP will win the Currie Cup this year ”
or
” The BULLS will win this weekend ”
However, dont talk to much BULLsh@t… 😉
Yip LIONS, it does’nt matter at what end of the S14 ladder you ended, you too can submit jokes LOL
Happy birthday Rugby-Talk !!!
Congrats to all involved and may there be many more happy blogging hours !!!!!
(sug)
jaaaaaaaa, praat van swaarkry
..
ons het so arm grootgeword
my
ma het nog haar regte tette!! 😀
Die plaaswerker ry met die boer se trekker op ñ grondpad en moer die trekker om in ñ sloot.
Ek stop by die ou om hom by te staan en vra of hy seer gekry het.
Nee, sê hy.
Die baas was nogie hierie! 😀
At 85 years of age, Roger married Jenny, a lovely 25 year old. Jenny decides that after their wedding she and Roger should have separate bedrooms, because she is concerned that her new but aged husband may over exert himself if they spend the entire night together.
After the wedding festivities, as Jenny prepares herself for bed the ‘expected’ knock at the door came, she opens it and there is Roger… her 85 year old groom, ready for action. They unite as one.
All goes well, Roger takes leave of his bride, after a few minutes, Jenny hears another knock on her bedroom door and it’s Roger again! He is ready for more ‘action’. Surprised, Jenny consents. When the newlyweds are done, Roger kisses his bride, bids her a fond good night and leaves.
She is set to go to sleep but before she knew it there was Roger knocking on the door again ready for more ‘action’.
Once more they enjoy each other. His young bride says to him, “I Am thoroughly impressed that you can perform so much better than guys less than a third of your age. You are truly a great lover, Roger.” Roger, somewhat embarrassed, turns to Jenny and says: “You mean I was here already?”
“What is your name?” asked the teacher. “Mohammed”… answered the kid. “We are in Canada and, there is no Mohammed. From now on your name will be Bruce,” replied the teacher.
In the evening, Mohammed returned home. “How was your day, Mohammed?” asked his mother. “My name is not Mohammed, I am in Canada and now my name is Bruce.” “Ah, are you ashamed of your name, are you trying to disown your parents, your heritage, your religion? Shame on you,” and she beat him.
Then she called the father and he too beat him savagely. The next day Mohammed returned to school. When the teacher saw him with all the bruises she asked: “What happened to you little Bruce?” “Well Miss, two hours after becoming Canadian I was attacked by two f****g Arabs…!!”
@ ashley @ 92:
Jou Bleddie Rassis!
I recall my first time with a condom, I was 16 or so. I went in to buy a packet of condoms at the pharmacy. There was this beautiful woman Assistant behind the counter, and she could see that I was new at it. She handed me the package and asked if I knew how to wear one. I answered honestly “No, this is my first time.”
So she unwrapped the package, took one out and slipped it over her thumb. She cautioned me to make sure it was on tight and secure. I apparently still looked confused. So, she looked all around the store to see if it were empty. It was empty.
“Just a minute,” she said, and walked to the door, and locked it. Taking my hand, she led me into the back room, unbuttoned her blouse and removed it. She unhooked her bra and laid it aside.
“Do these excite you?” She asked. Well, I was so dumb-struck that all I could do was nod my head.
She then said it was time to slip the condom on. As I was slipping it on, she dropped her skirt, removed her panties and lay down on a desk. “Well, come on”, she said, “We don’t have much time.” So I climbed on her. It was so wonderful, that unfortunately, I could no longer hold back and KAPOW. I was done within a few moments.
She looked at me with a bit of a frown. “Did you put that condom on?” She asked. I said, “I sure did,” and held up my thumb to show her. She beat the shit out of me…
snoek @ 95
lol
ps in CT @ 96
lol
On their wedding night, a young couple finally retired to their hotel room. After making her preparations, the bride left the bathroom to find the bridegroom on his knees in front of the bed.
“What are you doing?” she asked.
“I’m praying for guidance,” answered the young man.
“I’ll take care of that,” she replied. “You better pray for endurance.”
A big-game hunter went on safari with his wife and mother-in-law. One evening, while still deep in the jungle, the Mrs awoke to find her mother gone. Rushing to her husband, she insisted on them both trying to find her mother.
The hunter picked up his rifle, took a swig of whiskey, and started to look for her. In a clearing not far from the camp, they came upon a chilling sight: the mother-in-law was backed up against a thick, impenetrable bush, and a large male lion stood facing her.
The wife cried, “What are we going to do?”
“Nothing,” said the hunter husband. “The lion got himself into this mess, let him get himself out of it.”
A bather found herself minus the top of her bathing suit after a dive. Stricken with embarrassment, she climbs out of the pool, her arms crossed in front of her chest.
She had almost made it to the dressing rooms unnoticed when a small boy stood in her path and said, “Lady, if you’re giving away those puppies, could I have the one with the pink nose?”
A married couple were on holiday in Jamaica. They were touring around the market-place looking at the goods and such, when they passed a small sandal shop.
From inside they heard the shopkeeper with a Jamaican accent say, “You foreigners! Come in. Come into my humble shop.”
So the married couple walked in. The Jamaican said to them, “I ‘ave some special sandals I think you would be interested in. Dey makes you wild at sex.”
Well, the wife was really interested in buying the sandals after what the man claimed, but her husband felt he really didn’t need them, being the Sex God that he was.
The husband asked the man, “How could sandals make you a sex freak?” The Jamaican replied, “Just try dem on, Mon.”
Well, the husband, after some badgering from his wife, finally gave in and tried them on.
As soon as he slipped them onto his feet, he got this wild look in his eyes, something his wife hadn’t seen before! In the blink of an eye, the husband grabbed the Jamaican, bent him over the table, yanked down his pants, ripped down his own pants, and grabbed a firm hold of the Jamaican’s thighs.
The Jamaican began screaming: “De wrong feet! You got dem on de wrong feet!”
A REAL IRISH LIMERICK!
There was a young woman from Japan,
Who went for a swim in a lake,
Along came a bloke,
Stuck a bargepole in her ear,
And said “you can’t swim in this lake, it’s private”.
This young Dublin fella comes home all excited to tell his ma he’s fallen in love and going to get married. He says: “Just for fun, Ma, I’m going to bring over three women and you just try and guess which one I’m going to marry.”
The mother agrees, so the next day he brings along three beautiful and sits them down on the couch and they chat away for a while. He then says: “Right, OK Ma, guess which one I’m going to marry.”
She immediately replies, “The one in the middle.”
“That’s amazing, Ma. You’re right. How did ye know?”
“I don’t like her.”
Dis seks-onderig vir die standerd vyf klas vir die eerste keer. Juffrou weet nie mooi hoe om die spul te benader nie.
“Goed” se juffrou, “almal wat het hul linkerhande masterbeer, gaan staan asseblief aan die linkerkant vna die klas, en almal wat met hul regter hande masterbeer, gaan staan assebleif aan die regterkant van die klas”
Almal, behalwe Jannie, staan op en begin links of regs beweeg.
“Jannie” se juffrou “wil jy vir my se jy masterbeer nie?
Jannie sit so bietjie en dink en se toe..”nee fok juffrou, lyk my dis net die twee van ons hier wat spyker”
A newlywed farmer and his wife were visited by her mother, who immediately demanded an inspection of the place. The farmer had
genuinely tried to be friendly to his new mother-in-law, hoping that it could be a friendly, non-antagonistic relationship. All to no avail though, as she kept nagging them at every opportunity, demanding changes, offering unwanted advice, and generally making life unbearable to the farmer and his new bride.
While they were walking through the barn, during the forced inspection, the farmer’s mule suddenly reared up and kicked the mother-in-law in the head, killing her instantly. It was a shock toall no matter their feelings toward her demanding ways.
At the funeral service a few days later, the farmer stood near the casket and greeted folks as they walked by. The pastor noticed that whenever a woman would whisper something to the farmer, he would nod his head yes and say something. Whenever a man walked by and whispered to the farmer, however, he would shake his head no, and
mumble a reply.
Very curious as to this bizarre behavior, the pastor later asked the farmer what that was all about. The farmer replied, “The women would say, ‘What a terrible tragedy’ and I would nod my head and say ‘Yes, it was.’ The men would then ask, ‘Can I borrow that mule?’ and I would shake my head and say, ‘Can’t, it’s all booked up for a year.'”
A fly flew into Pieter De Villiers ear…..its called a space invader !
Na ‘n moerse ontploffing is helfte van die land se bevolking uitgewis. Hulle ontdek toe ‘n groep kanibale in die berge en besluit om hulle stad toe te bring om te kom help werk. Daar was te min mense om al die werk te doen en daar is toe nou maar besluit dat die kanibale sal moet uithelp. Op hul eerste dag by die werk word dit vir hulle duidelik gemaak dat hulle niemand mag eet nie, as daar enige iemand opgeeet word is hulle almal gefire!
So gesê en so gedaan! Die kanibale het vir langer as 6 maande al gewerk toe die groot baas hulle almal inroep en lelik begin uitkak! “Die sekretaresse wat op vloer 6 werk is weg” gil hy. “Wie het haar geeet?!!!” wil hy weet. Na ‘n moerse gesukkel en gegillery steek Abel die kanibaal sy hand op en erken dat dit hy was. Sonder om te blik of te bloos fire die baas al die kanibale.
Terwyl hulle buitentoe stap klap een van die ander kanibale vir Abel agter die kop en se:”Jou poepol! Vir 6 maande eet ons die managers en niemand kom niks agter nie! Vir wat gaan staan jy nou en eet iemand wat actually iets doen?!”
A 7 year old and a 4 year old are upstairs in their bedroom.
‘You know what?’ says the 7 year old, ‘I think it’s about time we started swearing.’
The 4 year old nods his head in approval, so the 7 year old says, When we go downstairs for breakfast I’m gonna swear first, then you swear after me, ok?’
‘Ok’ the 4 year old, agrees with enthusiasm..
The mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 7 year old what he wants for breakfast.
‘Oh, sh*t mum, I don’t know, I suppose I’ll have some Coco Pops’
WHACK!! He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up, and runs upstairs crying his eyes out.
She looks at the 4 year old and asks with a stern voice, ‘ And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?’
‘I don’t know,’ he blubbers, ‘but it won’t be f*cking Coco Pops’
Bwahahaha
ETIKET VIR OOSRANDERS
ALGEMEEN
1. Moet nooit bier saamvat na ‘n job interview nie
2. Probeer eers uitvind wie die mense in jou jaard is voor jy begin
skiet
3. Die dominee smaak dit nie as jy ‘n cooler box saamvat kerk toe nie
4. As jy die bed moet stofsuig is dit tyd om ander lakens op te sit
5. Selfs al is jy seker jy is ingesluit in die testament, moenie jou
VENTER saamsleep na die begrafnis toe nie
UITEET
1. As jy wyn skink tilt die paper cup sodat jy nie die “vrug” van die
wyn bederf nie
2. As jy uit die bottel uit drink, hou hom so vas sodat jou vingers die
label toe hou
ONTHAAL IN JOU HUIS
1. Moenie jou geliefde opgestopte hamster/kat/hond/aap op die
koffietafel sit nie
2. Moenie dat jou hond van die tafel eet nie (al is sy maniere beter as
jou gaste s’n)
PERSOONLIKE GESONDHEID
1. Terwyl ore gereeld moet skoongemaak word, is dit ‘n job wat
verkieslik met jou eie bakkiesleutels gedoen moet word
2. Grond en olie onder jou vingernaels is ‘n social nee, want dit gee
daai finger snacks ‘n snaakse smaak en cherries laaik dit nie so kwaai nie
VERHOUDINGS – BUITE DIE FAMILIE
1. Bied altyd aan om die aas aan jou goose se hoek te sit, veral met
die eerste date
2. Wees aggressief, laat weet haar jy wag al twee jaar om met haar uit
te gaan nadat jy daai goed gelees het teen die toilemuur daar by shoprite
3. Maak seker jy vind uit by haar ma-hulle wanneer sy by die huis moet
wees. Party sal sê tien uur, ander “maandag”. As die antwoord maandag is,
is dit jou job om te sorg dat sy betyds by die skool is
FLIEK
1.. moenie met die mense op die screen probeer praat nie. Jare lange
wetenskaplike navorsing het bewys dat hulle jou nie kan hoor nie.
TROUES
1. Kleinvee is nie so ‘n hot trougeskenk nie
2. As jy die bruid langer as 5 sekondes soen, kan jy gemoer word
3. Vir die bruidegom: huur ‘n tux; ‘n corduroy broek en t-shirt met ‘n
cummerbund werk nie so lekker nie
4. Al is dit moeilik, sê maar ja vir sokkies en skoene, al is dit net
vir die kerk
BESTUUR
1. Dim jou ligte as ‘n kar van voor af kom, al is jou gun gelaai
2. As jy by ‘n 4-way stop kom, ry die ou met die grootste wiele eerste
3. Moet nooit ‘n ander blaar se kar tou met pantyhose en ducktape nie
4. As jy jou vrou/goose met ‘n kannetjie stuur om te gaan petrol haal,
is dit swak maniere om haar te vra om bier ook saam terug te bring
5. Moenie spin as jy in ‘n begrafnisstoet ry nie…
‘n Man strompel by die hospitaal in met harsingskudding, verskeie kneuswonde,
twee blou oë en ‘n vyf-yster netjies om sy keel gevou.
Natuurlik wil die dokter weet wat gebeur het.
“Wel,” se die man, “ek en my vrou het gholf gespeel, en ons albei het ons
houe skeef getrek tussen ‘n klomp weiende koeie in.. Terwyl ons na ons balle
soek, sien ek een van die koeie het iets wits in haar agterent.
“Ek het nader gestap, haar stert gelig en jou wrintie, daar sit my vrou se
gholfbal netjies ingeplant.
“Terwyl ek steeds die koei se stert in die lug hou, het ek vir my vrou
geskree:
‘Haai, dit lyk nes joune!’
“Ek onthou nie veel van wat daarna gebeur het nie . . “
Pick-up line by OppiKoppie gehoor – “Ek weet jys nie n microwave nie, maar kan ek hom insit vir twee minute?”
113@ KingPaul:
Fokkit, dis moer snaaks!
113@KingPaul
hiehiehiehiehiehiehiehie……. moet daai een onthou! :_))
This farmer hears this loud noise coming from his dam, so he walks down to the dam and sees a pile of clothes and three beautiful women swimming naked in his dam.
They eventually see the farmer standing there at their clothes, and they start screaming “go away you perv, stop looking at us” and shout “what are you doing here” ?
The farmer replies “I have come to feed the crocodiles”
This is how all coaches feel.
This ref was awful and making bad calls against this coaches team, all through the 1st half
At half time he walked up the the ref and said
“ref, you are useless, what if I call you a f*%king idiot.
The ref responds, “If you do, I will have you thrown out of the stadium”
The coach responds ” What if I thought you were a f&%king idiot”?
Well says the ref, “You are free to think what you like”.
The 2nd half begins and the ref makes another terrible call.
The coach shouts out to him ” Ref I think you are a f*%king idiot”
blouste @ 111
fokken funny bru
maar
ek persoonlik sou die opskrif
ETIKET VIR BLOUBULLE
gemaak het!! 😆
yes, waars almal
nog moeg van allie celebrations? 😯
Hey Ash….yea, I think GBS is still sleaping it off :))
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