Ok, so on request of grootblousmile here is a thread where we ask you to submit your funniest jokes as a part of Rugby-Talk’s 1st B-Day.
Any jokes will do, as long as you adhere to all the blog rules…
Those of you with no sense of humour, you are allowed to at least shout VRYSTAAAAAAAAAAT !!!!!!!
Those of you who dont have original jokes and want to steal someone else’s line shout SHAAAAAAARKS !!!!!!!
You can even make jokes that are completely unrealistic… let me give an example by using a couple of one liners…
” I’m sure WP will win the Currie Cup this year ”
or
” The BULLS will win this weekend ”
However, dont talk to much BULLsh@t… 😉
Yip LIONS, it does’nt matter at what end of the S14 ladder you ended, you too can submit jokes LOL
Happy birthday Rugby-Talk !!!
Congrats to all involved and may there be many more happy blogging hours !!!!!
We from the Freestate have the best sense of humout eva!!
Vrystaaaaaaaaaaaatt!!!
🙂
Blou Bulls have no originality…they all have the name “blue” in their names.
A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and
Noticed he had his collar on backwards. The little boy asked why he
Wore his collar backwards.
The man, who was a priest, said, ‘I am a Father.’
The little boy replied, ‘My Daddy doesn’t wear his collar like that.’
The priest looked up from his book and answered, ”I am the Father of
Many.’
The boy said, ”My Dad has 4 boys, 4 girls and two grandchildren and he
Doesn’t wear his collar that way!’
The priest, getting impatient, said ‘I am the Father of hundreds’, and
Went back to reading his book.
The little boy sat quietly thinking for a while, then leaned over and Said,
‘Maybe you should wear a condom and put your pants on backwards
Instead of your collar.’
😆 😆 😆
A couple of Blue Bull hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn’t seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?”
The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.” There is a silence, then a shot is heard.
The guy’s voice comes back on the line. He says: “OK, now what?“
GBS and Superbul go on a camping trip. After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep.
Some hours later, GBS wakes up and nudges his faithful friend. “Superbul, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.”
“I see millions and millions of stars, GBS” replies Superbul.
“And what do you deduce from that?”
Superbul ponders for a minute. “Well,
Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.
Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo.
Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three.
Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.
Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe.
But what does it tell you, GBS?”
GBS is silent for a moment.
“Superbul, you idiot!” he says. “Someone has stolen our tent!”
Murphy’s old lady had been pregnant for some time and now the time had come.
He brought her to the doctor and the doctor began to deliver the baby.
She had a little boy, and the doctor looked over at Murphy and said. ‘Hey, Murph! You just had you a son.’
‘Ain’t dat grand, !!’ Murphy got excited by this, but just then the doctor spoke up and said, ‘Hold on! We ain’t finished yet.’
The doctor then delivered a little girl.
He said, ‘Murph, You got you a daughter !!!! She is a pretty lil ting, too….’
Murphy got kind of puzzled by this and then the doctor said, ‘Hold on, we aint got done yet.’
The doctor then delivered another boy and said, ‘Murph, you just had yourself another boy !’
Murphy said to the doctor, ‘Doc, what caused all of dem babies ?’
The doctor said, ‘You never know Murph, it was probably something that happened during conception.’
Murphy said, ‘Ah yeah, during conception.’
When Murph and his wife went home with their three children, he sat down with his wife and said, ‘Mama, you remember dat night that we ran out of Vaseline and we had to use dat dere 3-in-1 Oil.’
She said, ‘Yeah, I remember dat night…’
Murph said, ‘I’ll tell you, ….it’s a foockin good ting we didn’t use Q20.’
Two guys are sitting on a bar stool. One starts to insult the other one. He screams, “I slept with your mother!” The bar gets quiet as everyone listens to see what the other weasel will do. The first again yells, “I SLEPT WITH YOUR MOTHER!”
The other says, “Go home dad you’re drunk.”
Other name for Q20…. spookpis!
I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather.
Not screaming in terror like his passengers.
🙂 🙂 🙂
John decided to go skiing with his buddy, Keith. So they loaded up John’s minivan and headed north.
After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. So they pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night.
‘I realize it’s terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I’m recently widowed,’ she explained. ‘I’m afraid the neighbours will talk if I let you stay in my house.’
‘Don’t worry,’ John said. ‘We’ll be happy to sleep in the barn. And if the weather breaks, we’ll be gone at first light.’ The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night.
Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their way. They enjoyed a great weekend of skiing.
But about nine months later, John got an unexpected letter from an attorney. It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he had met on the ski weekend.
He dropped in on his friend Keith and asked, ‘Keith, do you remember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our ski holiday up north about 9 months ago?’
‘Yes, I do.’ Said Keith.
‘Did you, er, happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and pay her a visit?’
‘Well, um, yes!,’ Keith said, a little embarrassed about being found out, ‘I have to admit that I did.’
‘And did you happen to give her my name instead of telling her your name?’
Keith’s face turned beet red and he said,
‘Yeah, look, I’m sorry, buddy. I’m afraid I did.’ ‘Why do you ask?’
‘She just died and left me everything.’
7 @ bos_otter:
😆
Bwahahahaha
Murphy’s wife wakes up one morning with a terrible pain in her chest.
Murphy rushes her to the hospital where the doctor on duty gives her a thorough examination.
After a few minutes the doctor walks up to Murphy and say’s “Mr Murphy, your wife has acute angina”.
Murphy replies, “I know dat doctor, and she’s got really nice tits too, but what the fook is wrong wit her?”
A turtle was walking down an alley in New York when he was mugged by a gang of snails. A police detective came to investigate and asked the turtle if he could explain what happened.
The turtle looked at the detective with a confused look on his face and replied “I don’t know, it all happened so fast.”
@ Scrumdown: rofl :()
A teenage boy had just passed his driving test and inquired of his father as to when they could discuss his use of the car.
His father said he’d make a deal with his son: ‘You bring your grades up from a C to a B average, study your Bible a little, and get your hair cut. Then we’ll talk about the car.’
The boy thought about that for a moment, decided he’d settle for the offer, and they agreed on it.
After about six weeks his father said, ‘Son, you’ve brought your grades up and I’ve observed that you have been studying your Bible, but I’m disappointed you haven’t had your hair cut.
The boy said, ‘You know, Dad, I’ve been thinking about that, and I’ve noticed in my studies of the Bible that Samson had long hair, John the Baptist had long hair, Moses had long hair…and there’s even strong evidence that Jesus had long hair.’
You’re going to love the Dad’s reply:
To this his father replied, ‘Did you also notice they walked everywhere they went?’
@ bos_otter: oops….meant 🙂
@ Blouste: ha ha ha ….love it 🙂
Two WP boys were talking one afternoon when Gamat tells Gatiep, “Ya know, I reckon I’m ’bout ready for a vacation. Only this year I’m gonna do it a little different. The last few years, I took your advice about where to go. Three years ago you said to go to the Freestate. I went to the Freestate and Meraai got pregnant. Then two years ago, you told me to go to the Natal and Meraai got pregnant again. Last year you suggested Johannesburg and darn me, if Meraai didn’t get pregnant again.” Gatiep asks Gamat, “So, what you gonna do this year that’s different?” Paddy says, “This year I’m taking Meraai with me.”
Ashley and GBS was once again sitting in the pub when suddenly GBS had a brainwave;
“You know what Ash? I think I am going to varsity to study so I can make something of my life, this Rugby-Talk” thing is not bringing in enough money and Handbrieke is complaining”
So GBS end up with the Rector of TUKS and it went something like this:
GBS ; “Prof I need to study here at your varsity can you suggest some subject for me?”
Prof ; ” Go for Geography, Maths, Literature, Afrikaans and LOGIC”
GBS ; “That sounds good prof but whats this LOGIC subject thingey?”
Prof ; “I will explain by asking you a few questions; Do you own a weedeater?”
GBS ; “Yes Prof”
Prof ; “Then I can logically deduce that you have a lawn?”
GBS ; Yis prof how did you know?”
Prof ; “Then I can further deduce that you have a house?”
GBS ; Yes
Prof ; “Then I can deduce you have a family and children?”
GBS Yes
Prof ; ” so you must be a heterosexual?”
GBS ; ” Yis prof this a very clever subject, I will definitely study this”
Getting back to the pub the next day Ashley equires about the above and also asks GBS what this LOGIC subject is. GBS said he will explain by asking Ashley a few questions:
GBS ; “Ashley do you own a weedeater?”
Ashley ; “NO”
GBS ; “THEN YOU MUST BE GAY”
17@ bos_otter:
Thought I’d offended you there for a moment.
I don’t want to incur the wrath of the webmonster. I live far to close to Die boerwors gordyn. He may pay me a visit in the dead of night!
@ ps in CT: gie gie 🙂
GBS…can’t you post a guide on how to make demm smilies?
Joe and Dave are hunting when Dave keels over. Frantic, Joe dials 911 on his cell phone and blurts, “My friend just dropped dead! What should I do?”
A soothing voice at the other end says, “Don’t worry, I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s really dead.”
After a brief silence, the operator hears a shot. Then Joe comes back to the phone. “Okay,” he says nervously to the operator. “What do I do next?”
‘n Man en sy vrou word wakker gemaak 3:00 uur in die oggend deur ‘n
Harde geklop aan die deur.
Die man staan op en gaan maak die deur oop waar ‘n dronkie in die
Gietende reën staan.
Die ou dronkie sê hy het iemand nodig om hom te help stoot.
“Dit sal die dag wees, daar is nie ‘n manier nie.” Sê die man.
“Dit is drie uur in die oggend.” En hy slaan die deur toe en gaan terug
Bed toe.
“Wie was dit?” vra sy vrou.
“Net ‘n vreeslike dronk man wat iemand soek om hom te help stoot.”
Antwoord hy.
“Het jy hom gehelp?” vra sy.
“Nee, dit is drie uur, en dit sous daar buite!”
Wel jy het ‘n kort geheue,” sê sy…
“Onthou jy drie maande terug toe ons kar gebreek het en daai twee ouens
Ons gehelp het?
Ek dink jy moet hierdie ou ook help en jy behoort jou te skaam.”
Die man besef sy vrou is seker reg en trek toe maar aan.
Hy gaan uit in die gietende reën en roep uit,
“Hallo, is jy nog daar?”
“Ja.” kom die antwoord terug.
“Het jy nog iemand nodig om jou te stoot?” vra hy.
“Ja, asseblief.” Kom die antwoord uit die donkerte.
“Waar is jy?” vra die man.
“Hier op die swing.” antwoord die dronkie.
AB @ 20
😆 😆 😆
Did you hear about the Irish Peeping Tom?
When he was told that he’d go blind if he peeped on naked women he replied, “in that case I tink I’ll risk one eye!”
@ ps in CT:
ag fricken )*(^)&*($*&%&, that was Gamat saying he is taking meraai with…..
Squirrels had overrun three churches in town. After much prayer, the elders of the first church determined that the animals were predestined to be there. Who were they to interfere with God’s will? they reasoned. Soon, the squirrels multiplied.
The elders of the second church, deciding that they could not harm any of God’s creatures, humanely trapped the squirrels and set them free outside of town. Three days later, the squirrels were back.
It was only the third church that succeeded in keeping the pests away. The elders baptized the squirrels and registered them as members of the church. Now they only see them on Christmas and Easter.
@ bos_otter:
😆 🙂 🙁 😕 😈 :roll 8) :mad 😥 😳
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