For as long as rugby existed, there has been arguments about who is good, and who is better.  However, we never argue about who is absolutely rubbish, we all know that, well most of us anyway.  So, instead of writing about how good some players are, I have decided to concentrate on the more forgetful guys, the guys that history will NOT remember, and history has some very good reasons not to.

1. “Steady” Eddie Andrews
The biggest thing on this guy’s CV was the fact that he was selected for the boks by Jake White, and then subsequently dropped by the same White. One of the main contributors to the “Light Five” tag that accompanied WP tight forwards wherever they went. It has to be said, he made his debut for WP in 2000 and played his last test in 2006…an incredibly long career for a man with no talent.

2. Owen “Talks the Talk” Nkumane
The fact that he spoke flawless English, was possibly Nkumane’s biggest contribution to the game of rugby. Controversially selected for the boks, and then not so controversially dropped again, before moving on to Supersport, at least, here he is full value while sitting commentating with Bobby Skinstadt on the merits of forward play, something neither of them knows anything about.

3. Ettienne “Lunch Bar” Fynn
I honestly couldn’t even think of anything derogatory to say about this guy…the main reason being, that most of my insults sound like compliments when directed to him.  I can’t remember him doing one worthwhile thing, he didn’t even have the decency to get injured.  The audacity.

4. Geo “Sleepless on Tour” Cronje
His rugby career is somewhat marred by, firstly a very unsightly beard, and secondly the fact that he allegedly couldn’t stand the smell of some or the other fellow player, who allegedly smelled worse than the boerboelle who shared his house.

5. Quinton “Also Tired” Davids
Seems his most outstanding feature is that he allegedly smells funky, but not in a good way. Also had a very little head, with an even smaller brain, which must account for the incredible amount of penalties and yellow cards he received.

6. Pierre “Die Groot Beer” Uys
The personification of a one-hit-wonder. Burst onto the scene with a loud crack, great fanfare and unparalleled enthusiasm. Was too enthusiastic though, while bursting onto the scene, he stepped on a rollerskate and was never seen again.

7. Solly “Missing in Action” Tyibilika
Never has proving a point been so RASTA! The shaggy flanker was chosen by Jake White to compensate losing Burger with a neigh career ending injury, and to prove that he does not need Luke Watson. The effect was incredible, he was promoted to punching far above his weight, he became famous for all the wrong reasons, he couldn’t handle the pressure, or obviously, the practice either. Last seen floating around Jozi, fuelled by Pappegaai Twak!

8. Ruan “The Experiment” Vermeulen
Yes he is a prop. But he was a flanker, that turned prop, that once again returned as a Number 8, when injuries forced Heynecke Meyer’s hand. History was made, the Bulls’ scrum passed the 1000kg mark against the cheetahs, and for the first time ever, it wasn’t necessary to show slow-motion replays of the action, everything was happening just slow enough.

9. Deon “I’m on TV” De Kock
Represented the Boks on a year-end tour involving powerhouses of rugby Italy and the USA. Was quoted in saying, “When I heard the team announced on TV, I first thought it was another De Kock, I am so excited.” Unfortunately he had a face for radio, and ended his bok career as one of Harry Viljoen’s famous de KOCK UPS!

10. Franco “The Italian Stallion” Smith
One of the most nervous flyhalves in the history of the game, formed part of Mallet’s famous 13 in a row squad, but no-one including himself knew why. Was one of the first post 1995 players to play overseas, because ‘he needed the challenge’. However, how much of a challenge Italian Club Rugby could possibly be, is an open question.

11. Henno “Straight & Narrow” Mentz
Famous for having no side-step, no creativity and no personality. Played for the sharks, played for the Lions, scored a few tries, but who really gives a shit?

12. Danie “Twinkle Toes” Van Schalkwyk
One of the worst centres to ever get a Springbok call-up. This man had nothing in his arsenal that suggested he deserved being a Springbok, except that he played with Andre Snyman in his prime. Useless defender, even worse attacking player and to top it off, kak hairstyle.

13. Kaya “Da Shit” Malotana
The face of transformation in SA Rugby, and probably one of the main reasons everyone opposes it. Was elected to play in the 1999 World Cup, no-one knew him, no-one even heard of him before the squad announcement. Played a blinder against Spain…I think. Retired and became a expert analyst on a SABC rugby show, which wasn’t ideal as SABC never Broadcasts rugby.

14. Casper “Die Spook van Loftus” Steyn
Everyone knew him, and with everyone I mean EVERYONE, except the Springbok Selectors. Had a useful boot, but was a shockingly average player, a Loftus fixture. He was there forever, played an incredible amount of games…but if you can’t remember his face, don’t worry… no-one can.

15. Thinus “Die Minus” Delport
Came in favour as Springbok fullback, played a few games, then got dropped because he is about as one-dimensional as a sheet of paper. Threatened to go overseas if they don’t select him again. Went overseas, and is probably still there, because no-one ever selected him again.