For as long as rugby existed, there has been arguments about who is good, and who is better. However, we never argue about who is absolutely rubbish, we all know that, well most of us anyway. So, instead of writing about how good some players are, I have decided to concentrate on the more forgetful guys, the guys that history will NOT remember, and history has some very good reasons not to.
1. “Steady” Eddie Andrews
The biggest thing on this guy’s CV was the fact that he was selected for the boks by Jake White, and then subsequently dropped by the same White. One of the main contributors to the “Light Five” tag that accompanied WP tight forwards wherever they went. It has to be said, he made his debut for WP in 2000 and played his last test in 2006…an incredibly long career for a man with no talent.
2. Owen “Talks the Talk” Nkumane
The fact that he spoke flawless English, was possibly Nkumane’s biggest contribution to the game of rugby. Controversially selected for the boks, and then not so controversially dropped again, before moving on to Supersport, at least, here he is full value while sitting commentating with Bobby Skinstadt on the merits of forward play, something neither of them knows anything about.
3. Ettienne “Lunch Bar” Fynn
I honestly couldn’t even think of anything derogatory to say about this guy…the main reason being, that most of my insults sound like compliments when directed to him. I can’t remember him doing one worthwhile thing, he didn’t even have the decency to get injured. The audacity.
4. Geo “Sleepless on Tour” Cronje
His rugby career is somewhat marred by, firstly a very unsightly beard, and secondly the fact that he allegedly couldn’t stand the smell of some or the other fellow player, who allegedly smelled worse than the boerboelle who shared his house.
5. Quinton “Also Tired” Davids
Seems his most outstanding feature is that he allegedly smells funky, but not in a good way. Also had a very little head, with an even smaller brain, which must account for the incredible amount of penalties and yellow cards he received.
6. Pierre “Die Groot Beer” Uys
The personification of a one-hit-wonder. Burst onto the scene with a loud crack, great fanfare and unparalleled enthusiasm. Was too enthusiastic though, while bursting onto the scene, he stepped on a rollerskate and was never seen again.
7. Solly “Missing in Action” Tyibilika
Never has proving a point been so RASTA! The shaggy flanker was chosen by Jake White to compensate losing Burger with a neigh career ending injury, and to prove that he does not need Luke Watson. The effect was incredible, he was promoted to punching far above his weight, he became famous for all the wrong reasons, he couldn’t handle the pressure, or obviously, the practice either. Last seen floating around Jozi, fuelled by Pappegaai Twak!
8. Ruan “The Experiment” Vermeulen
Yes he is a prop. But he was a flanker, that turned prop, that once again returned as a Number 8, when injuries forced Heynecke Meyer’s hand. History was made, the Bulls’ scrum passed the 1000kg mark against the cheetahs, and for the first time ever, it wasn’t necessary to show slow-motion replays of the action, everything was happening just slow enough.
9. Deon “I’m on TV” De Kock
Represented the Boks on a year-end tour involving powerhouses of rugby Italy and the USA. Was quoted in saying, “When I heard the team announced on TV, I first thought it was another De Kock, I am so excited.” Unfortunately he had a face for radio, and ended his bok career as one of Harry Viljoen’s famous de KOCK UPS!
10. Franco “The Italian Stallion” Smith
One of the most nervous flyhalves in the history of the game, formed part of Mallet’s famous 13 in a row squad, but no-one including himself knew why. Was one of the first post 1995 players to play overseas, because ‘he needed the challenge’. However, how much of a challenge Italian Club Rugby could possibly be, is an open question.
11. Henno “Straight & Narrow” Mentz
Famous for having no side-step, no creativity and no personality. Played for the sharks, played for the Lions, scored a few tries, but who really gives a shit?
12. Danie “Twinkle Toes” Van Schalkwyk
One of the worst centres to ever get a Springbok call-up. This man had nothing in his arsenal that suggested he deserved being a Springbok, except that he played with Andre Snyman in his prime. Useless defender, even worse attacking player and to top it off, kak hairstyle.
13. Kaya “Da Shit” Malotana
The face of transformation in SA Rugby, and probably one of the main reasons everyone opposes it. Was elected to play in the 1999 World Cup, no-one knew him, no-one even heard of him before the squad announcement. Played a blinder against Spain…I think. Retired and became a expert analyst on a SABC rugby show, which wasn’t ideal as SABC never Broadcasts rugby.
14. Casper “Die Spook van Loftus” Steyn
Everyone knew him, and with everyone I mean EVERYONE, except the Springbok Selectors. Had a useful boot, but was a shockingly average player, a Loftus fixture. He was there forever, played an incredible amount of games…but if you can’t remember his face, don’t worry… no-one can.
15. Thinus “Die Minus” Delport
Came in favour as Springbok fullback, played a few games, then got dropped because he is about as one-dimensional as a sheet of paper. Threatened to go overseas if they don’t select him again. Went overseas, and is probably still there, because no-one ever selected him again.
Jan Kak?
Huh?
Should add Poefies Stinkgat to the list in his years after the injury. Only thing useful about him was his tongue.Sure he can lick his own ass with that thing.
Was his greatest rugby attribute aswell.The opposition players were shit scared of being licked!
#2 – We add a Jan to every first post on any thread.
Well said Saint!!
Eddie Andrews would not have made a first div side at club level in the eighties.
As for Owen and Bob knowing nothing about forward play, I disagree.
They know LESS than nothing about forward play!!
Skinstad has got to be the biggest whore to, “market speak and tell the people what they want to hear” in the history of rugby.
He is a good example of rugby nonsense that is being fed to the modern game of TV rights and brainless fans!!
5 – Tighthead, your feeling about the Sharks/Chiefs game this Saturday?
Hehehehe, we should bump this Article right to the top of the pops…. this is good stuff!
But Hey, there’s many more players of this Shitty Caliber….. I invite you each to add to this list with the same meritorius humour which our friend, the Chicken Murderer (Saint) has done.
This thread could run for days and days….
Tight Head @ 5
Come on now, surely Skinstad can’t be worse than the two “roving” reporters they had on yesterday’s Varsity Cup broadcasts?
OK I’ll concede the girl on the Shimlas v NMMU “game” was quite cute, but as far as the interviews were concerned, well lets just say that NMMU’s Rugby was of a higher caliber than the interviews IMO.
Hi Puma,
The humidity is a factor, even though a south westerly wind will blow on Saturday.
So conditioning and ball handling skills will be important.
The Sharks simply cannot start off losing and must consider this to be a WC final, even though it is the first game of the S14.
Of course selection is going to be hugely important on the outcome, however I still favour the Sharks at home, under pressure, in the humidity against a good side that has to travel.
Hopefully the Chiefs will remember their outing against the Bulls!!
Hi Scrumdown.
I missed the VC last night.
I suppose we can excuse students for bad rugby reporting as long as the girls are up to standard!!
8@ Scrumdown – Fark, Old Toks van der Linde irritates the living shit out of me as well as a commentator….
For one thing, Tokka is incapable of pronouncing JJ Gagiano, the UCT No 8 surname correctly….. it was Gagiani and everything else but the real macoy….
Rather give me a “Stywe dop” Bladen any day…. hell I’ll even listen to “The Whisperer” Brosnihan before old Tokka… or even that wet fart, Andy Capp….
TheSaint
Why on earth would you want to focus on the negatives ?
Surely however kak some of these okes were, they have managed to get more acculates than any of us in any case.
How about this…
How good was Ettiene at 12 for the Bulls !!!
Ran the other teams rugged…
Hey GBS The best description I ever heard about Andy Capp was from Louis Luyt, who called him a “British postal worker”
Saint: Correction.
8. Werner “The Experiment” Kruger
Yes he is a prop. But he was a flanker, that turned prop, that once again returned as a Number 8, when injuries forced Heynecke Meyer’s hand. History was made, the Bulls’ scrum passed the 1000kg mark against the cheetahs, and for the first time ever, it wasn’t necessary to show slow-motion replays of the action, everything was happening just slow enough.
I think you are referrign to Ruan Vermeulen.
13@ Tight Head – Hehehehe
#14
Onerb…I stand shamed…you are right. I will fix it immediately, its just these fat boys from the Bulls all look the same to me…hehe
16 – Shape up sunny! Hehehe, ol werner kruger looks like a skilpad! His neck(or lack thereof) will never fit between vic and bakkies’s bums. hehehe
9 – Tighthead I said so myself yesterday here, the humidity is a huge, huge factor especially that we are playing at night. Humidity so much higher at night time, ball will be like oil. For me anyhow humid weather to play in is even worse than rain.
Our front row? You feel we will do okay there? You know that better than most of us. I feel we will be fine.
What about FH and centres? Think we may struggle there. That is our weak point for now I feel. How you rate Meyer? Not sure if Ruan should start if that op is not 100% if it is then play Ruan at FH. Now read that Kockott may be injured too.
Somehow feel we should win this Saturday and hoping against the Cheetahs too, but our rubbish draw we have will cost us I think. Playing all the top sides on their turf. Hope we travel well again this year but to play so many tops sides away going to be very, very hard.
If we settled this nonsense with the Lions about Alberts would you start Alberts ahead of Kanko?
Ruan Vermeulen: If any one ever played QuakeII they will know that he look like one of the soldiers.
#12
Ok firstly…its accolades not acculates…
Secondly, it’s no fun making jokes about guys who are actually worth talking about.
Agree, Botha was a brilliant runner, however, he made a meal of defence…not his strong point.
Chris Rossouw’s penalty kick after the hooter went in the game against the Queensland Reds takes the award for the biggest bugger up in rugby, closely followed by Andre Pretorius’ knock on behind the goal line against the All Blacks. Well ok maybe a Peter Grant punt takes the cake, on of those 20m monsters of him!
#18
I would even start Andries Strauss ahead of Kankowski. He is crap, but then at least you have a real centre, missing tackles, trying to run everything and avoiding mauls.
Alberts may be the best thing ever to happen to the Sharks…if he happens.
#21
I have to go with Frans Steyn’s not kicking the ball out and then missing the tackle on Habana in the 2007 S14 final.
# 20 Saint
Ok my bad…aaiii spelling.
Anyway refer to # 14…mistake…mistake
Same shit different day… go figure.
Can only be a Stormer supporter with such a negative outlook 😆
On Geo – Apart from his political or racial views: He actually kept bakkies out of the team for a while. After his omission from the WC he played 5 at the bulls. He was a very decent player.
Saint
But hey with such a shitty and NEGATIVE last 10 years or so…( at your beloved team )
Can’t realy blame you for being in a negative mindset hey…
So you are forgiven..maybe this year old chap, maybe this year… 😐
I also thought of Geo not to be a bad player… actually a decent player on his day !
18 Puma
I dont know how they have been scrumming at practise, because they need to have settled on their scrumming unit and get in a lot of scrums with those guys both on the machine and against good oposition.
I am more concerned about this 8 man synergy than about individuals at this stage.
I have no doubt that fly half is a big weakness and the only solution is Ruan.
At scrummie we have a good enough replacement if Kockott is injured.
Centre is shaky on attack, but we should be able to shore up the defence.
I think the Alberts/Kanko debate is one of ” horses for courses” and will depend on who the other loosies are in the team and who we play against.
For example, I believe that you always need an Alberts or Deysel to take the ball up straight and hard and get on the front foot across the advantage line.
That allows the other loosies to play off that.
I would not play Alberts and Deysel together.
The Sharks simply HAVE to win the games before they tour.
When they break the S14 planning up mentally into sections, you can be sure they are not thinking beyond these first 2 games.
If they go on tour unbeaten then they can get stronger, however go on tour without a win and they are stuffed!!
#27
Geo wasn’t such a bad rugby player, but he dissappeared, which is why he is on my list, he was what? 24 when he was no more?
Blouste
Not the easiest 10 years of my life I have to admit. But I don’t even want to venture a guess on this season…can’t stand the disappointment.
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